“fast friends…they use your bedroom or telephone line as their own personal pit stop for a quick therapy session!”

Thinking about my experiences with friendship in the modern web 2.0 age!

“I mean, this is exhausting!”- Taylor Swift, We are never ever getting back together

People and their practises of social interaction have warped and twisted the fundamentals of relationships to the point that friendship has become completely ‘illegitimised! Do we live in a world where a Facebook post constitutes a conversation? I find increasingly that legitimate human face-to-face interaction has been devalued to the point that we no longer experience two-sided equal relationships but rather, most use friendship as their own personal drive-thru, simply getting what they need and leaving…quickly. It’s fast friends for a new age, all this space-time compression leaving us desperate for higher productivity and speed…great…the internet has bred the attitude that our default friendship interaction should be as impersonal as an email…they use your bedroom or telephone line as their own personal pit stop for a quick therapy session! Just as quickly as they’ve sped through, they’re on the way out! I know people like this; I’m absolutely NOT one of them. That means I’m the one left feeling drained, exhausted, always a little sick. Sounds great right?! Wrong!

For me, it feels like I have a lot of experience with these fair weather friends who come and go as they please. When they need an emotional release, someone to hold their hand or someone to make them feel good about their outfit choice, I’m their gal!

I’m left feeling undermined and unappreciated, possibly because the security and sincerity of our friendship, at least from my end, means they don’t need to be concerned with checking in to see that we’re still ‘tight’ while they chase after the more unattainable. Apparently we all love someone playing hard to get! These people NEVER run after you! Why? Because you’re reliable, dependable, sweet and sincere and they just don’t have the time nor concern to worry about you when they have so many other games to play. They play the part of taker rather than giver, both user and abuser, leaving you emotionally drained and exhausted after one of their ‘check-ins’… Surely we all know people like this…right? Tell me I’m not alone! They take power or confidence or just the enjoyment of making you feel inferior. Maybe just the relief of feeling better without having to actually DO anything! Sound familiar?

Now, it isn’t all doom and gloom! I’ve decided that while many will cross our paths not noticing that we have all the qualities they’re desperate to find in these other less available people, we wouldn’t want to change. Would we really want to switch from the sufferers of friendship abuse to the abusers ourselves? (rhetorical question I hope!) That would simply suggest the beginning of a vicious cycle none of us want to see as the future. The plus side is, that I strongly believe, being a kind compassionate person is always going to work out for the best! There are exceptions. And for the non-exceptions…karma, my friends. Karma.

While exaggerated…you get my point!

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4 thoughts on ““fast friends…they use your bedroom or telephone line as their own personal pit stop for a quick therapy session!”

  1. Such an interesting and relevant topic of discussion! You were able to articulate what a lot of people feel on a regular basis but i guess are unsure or have come to expect this type of behaviour from certain people! I love the idea you discuss about people playing games and being ‘hard to get’ both literally and figuratively. I think with all these different mediums of communication available today it is unrealistic to think that everybody is going to make an effort to see people in person all the time. Rather than having an actual conversation to find out what is going on in someone’s life, facebook has replaced it with a quick stalk of their latest posts! You’re updated and still have time to do more important things! But i completely agree that this is a sad and unconnected world that we are currently faced with. That’s why it pays to find those special friends who you know will always be there no matter what the status of your facebook reveals!

  2. I found your post really interesting! I had never thought of it as ‘fast friends’ before but your certainly right. So many people today feel that they don’t have to go beyond looking at social network updates and interaction to know someone.I think it really comes down to time now, the amount of time your willing to spend on someone and communicating with them offline being the determining factor in how close you are with your friends and how good a friend you are. It definitely makes the line between giving and being used a draining one. 🙂

  3. Your post really resonated with me. I have definitely felt, in the past few years that real friendship, best-friend-ship, is an endangered species. Yes people are “busier” (i guess) and life gets crazy, but mostly I think the problem arose with social networks exposing us all to constant “rating”. To the point where you have to think twice about anything you share with a friend for fear it may not be “liked” or adequately commented on. Friends should be the ones that think you are cool in your most peerless moments as well as in moments where you, they or both of you may be having a “loser” (by social standards) moment. With so much public exposure, every single person now has to constantly protect their image, as if we are celebrities whose livelihood depends on it.

  4. I totally sympathize with your post. I think naturally we develop friendships where each may serve a different purpose in our life: the deep friendship where you can discuss anything, the stylish friend you like to shop with, the fun party gal who shares your love of bar-hopping. But if you stop by your most trusted friend’s house to tell her all about how party gal totally put the moves on your crush at the club last night and how fashion gal’s sideways jabs at your style/self esteem are slowly eating away at you with every trip to the mall, maybe you need to call trusted best friend once and a while on a Friday afternoon or a Saturday night!!!! Friendships, relationships in general, are turning into commodities, status symbols, aspiration-promoting tools and we are losing the true meaning of what it means to have a real personal connection that has mutual benefits and responsibilities. It may be a compliment to know you are someones most trusted confidante, but it hurts just as much to see that you are their 4th back-up plan for a saturday night out.

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